Today these funny clips come to you because my daughter Lo and her ability to find cute (but funny) videos on You Tube.
If you lived in my family, you would really find this one humorous. They all seem to be quite gaseous at times; especially my husband and son.
This one is more adult content, but still clean!
Enjoy your week!
Man Gets Stuck in Portable Potty; Naked
I am not sure how to start off this one; I mean, I read about this man who managed to get stuck in a portable potty; naked!
This was reported via my local newspaper's web site.
Basically, a Pennsylvania man had to call 911 because he was stuck, naked, in a portable potty and apparently he had been drinking.
Well, at this point, I would hope it was due to being intoxicated, otherwise how do you explain being stuck inside something so disgusting? The rescue crews had to actually cut the portable potty apart to free this man.
Now, you may expect something so stupid from a teenager, but this man was 31 years old; what the hell? All I can say is; I hope no one got a picture (with their cell phone), because if they did, this man will end up infamous because of his own stupidity.
Thonged Bandits
I had to laugh when I read this article, also from my local paper's web site.
Apparently two young men decided they wanted to rob a convenience store, but instead of using a typical disguise, like a ski mask or other type of mask; they used thong underwear.
Yep, you read that correctly; thong underwear!
One of the thonged bandits had a blue pair and the other had a green pair, each displayed over their head and face like a ski mask.
What do you say after something like that? WTF were they thinking? Well, it is apparent they weren't thinking, but damn; couldn't they come up with a better disguise?
Wouldn't you think a full sized pair of granny panties would have worked better; don't you?
I just hope the butt floss was clean when they decided to place them over their faces; otherwise, that was one stinky robbery!
Source: Richmond Time Dispatch: Strange News,
"Pa. crews rescue nude man stuck in portable potty" and "2 thong-facemask robbery suspects in custody"
Sorry if this is later in the day, but at least it is still Monday and hopefully it will make the end of your Monday that much better!
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.
Seconds before the end, a bolt of lightning struck taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.
Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.
Satan is astonished. He stutters, "But how?! I lost everything, yet
Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?!"
God chuckles, "Jesus saves."
Some Mom, Dad humor:
The Anderson family just moved into their new home when a neighbor asked 5-year-old Tommy Anderson how he liked it.
“It’s great,” Tommy said. “I have my very own room and my brother Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room too! But poor mom, she is still with dad…”
Don't we wish it was as easy as this?
Three guys, a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and George W. Bush are out walking together one day. They came across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you one wish. That's three wishes total," said
the genie.
The Canadian said, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.
George W. Bush, said, "I'm very curious, please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually impenetrable."
George W. Bush says, "Fill it with water."
Although this is about us women, I still think this is funny!
Why do women pass less gas than men?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure!
I can really this see this one happening!
An English professor wrote the words, "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and told the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Here is a funny joke to get you started!
So this traveling salesman is driving through a farming community when his car breaks down. He makes his way to the nearest farm and on his way to the house he looks in a pen and sees a pig with a wooden leg. He knocks on the door and when the farmer comes he says, "Good day sir. My car broke down up the road but before we get into
that, I have to ask you about the pig with the wooden leg."
The farmer says, "Well, that's the smartest pig in the world."
"What do you mean ?", asks the salesman.
"Well, last spring, I'm driving the tractor to disc the back 40 when it turns over on me. I'm pinned beneath it with a broken leg. I'm a'shoutin but the only one hears me is the pig. He busts out of his pen and runs out to me. Pig gets me out from under the tractor and then proceeds to set my broken leg !"
"Well that is a damn smart pig," says the salesman.
"That ain't nothin,"says the farmer,"Last winter a spark jumped out the fireplace while me and the family were asleep. The house starts to burning. That pig bust out of his pen and runs into the house. Wakes me and the wife up. Gets the kids out of the house. Then helps us put out the fire."
"You're right," says the impressed salesman,"That is a smart pig. But that doesn't explain the wooden leg."
"Well," says the farmer,"When you got a pig that smart, you don't eat him all at once."
These are from Comedy Central.com...
Little Johnny Stands Up
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Actual School Excuses Notes
These are excuse notes from parents (with their original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country:
1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
3) Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.
4) Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5) Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8) Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11) Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]
12) Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
13) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15) I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wears.
16) Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
17) Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18) My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
19) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21) Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
22) Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.
I hope you enjoyed these jokes today! I found them quite funny and cute, especially the "school notes".
Oh my mind has not been into anything today. I had a busy, busy weekend; as usual. It was fun, it was great, but now I need time to recover. I have more posts coming, stay tuned....
Here are your funnies for today:
http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CHXWC&Funny_Pictures=dog
This one is more COOL, than funny. When I saw it, I thought, "How neat!"
http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CBGUD&Funny_Pictures=Pool_drawing_Sidewalk_Art
This one so reminds me of a typical kid. Too funny!
http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CHW5T&Funny_Pictures=Easter_Lucky_Break
http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CGAKS&Funny_Pictures=Giveaway
I hope enjoyed these pictures. All I can say is, thankfully my children know the difference between animal poop, chocolate mini-eggs and darn, I wish I had a sign on the highway like the one above, then I could possibly keep from getting caught. :)
I know, I know; I missed it again. Well, if I were smart ( I am but sometimes I wonder); I would make these posts in advance so when something like Mother's Day pops up and I am running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, I do not need to worry.
All right, enough with the excuses, here they are, funny pictures for today...hmm...supposed to be yesterday.
To all the mummas out there, Happy Belated Mother's Day!
Can you do the math?
I figured this was perfect considering our current gas situation!
I think my husband would be doing the same thing if he saw a bear on the golf course!
I hope you enjoyed these three photos and I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day.
Well, I definitely have a few videos here that are quite hilarious. This first one is a French commercial with English subtitles. While I don't necessarily agree with these types of commercials, especially if my children can see them; it is quite funny.
If you listen to these animals, you cannot help but crack up!
I feel so sorry for this news reporter, but you can't help laughing!
I hope you have enjoyed these few video clips. Hopefully your Monday can now be a bit happier!
I have some obvious funnies and maybe some "not so" obvious funnies! You be the judge!
Is that an Apple Notebook at a Microsoft Convention?
Self Explanatory
I don't know about you; but I would be rather upset if my son made it in the paper and the editor didn't catch this typo...oh my!
Look real closely. Not funny if it is happening to you, but so funny to see it happen to someone else!
I hope everyone's weekend went well. Mine was pretty busy, but good! While I love my flowers getting rain; the rain we keep getting happens around Sunday and doesn't end until Tuesday. This has been happening for the last few weeks and getting old. We should be out of a drought by now; shoot, about a foot of rain in three weeks should about take care of it, right?
Have a great Funny Monday!
Well, I guess I am not off to a good start when it comes to Funny Mondays or any other day of the week.
Here are a few jokes for you, even though it is Tuesday night! Enjoy!
Chastity Belt
A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, “If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.”
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. “What's wrong?' ” he asks.
“You gave me the wrong key!”
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
